Only Way Is Asgard
by Puke and Glitter
Summary: Two godly brothers, one a criminal and the other a hero, one astrophysicist who really needed to lighten up and a political science student who signed up for the wrong intern-ship. It was only a matter of time before they killed each other.


**Darcy is my new spirit animal and I've been reading Loki and Darcy stories for a while now before I decided to have a crack at one. It's mainly Darcy's sass here but that's just how she is really. Whilst Jane is not my favourite character I will try to add a bit of non-existent depth to her. Eh, Loki and Thor aren't really here much but it'll pick up in the next chapter. There's no big hard hitting plot here yet- it's more getting everyone to a point where there can be plot. **

**Enjoy because I'm disclaiming all of Thor. **

* * *

Living with Jane, for Darcy, was like living with her mother all over again.

She had moved out as soon as she could for college to escape one crazy bitch, so living with Jane was a stretch on Darcy's already thin sanity. Jane was older, she was obsessive, bossy and a complete neat freak because really, who cared if her underwear, socks and pyjamas all went in one drawer? No on did but apparently she needed to be more organized. It wasn't as if Darcy couldn't see her bedroom floor, there were clearly marked out clear patches that made a path to her bed, closet and en-suite bathroom. All the necessary trips.

They'd moved into a small (But pretty luxurious, Darcy had to admit) flat that used to be a gas station in Puento Agtino after Jane had come back from the observatory that SHIELD had banished her to. They didn't do a banging job keeping her on a leash since Darcy got three calls a day, not including Skype, Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter. There was one point tat Jane reached a new low and used Google+ to contact Darcy. Jane said she'd used it because SHIELD tried to block all her communications and went through each site she used and blocked them. She came back eventually though, with all of her new data to contribute to her research.

It had been a Tuesday when shit hit the fan, proclaimed Pancake Tuesday. As in, Darcy told Jane she was to make pancakes every Tuesday with blueberry sauce or face the consequences. Jane had little say in any matter to do with food, mostly because she forgot to eat with how long she spent in her research facility.

Tuesday, which meant Darcy got a sleep in.

_Live fast, die young, bad girls do it well/ Live fast die young-_

Darcy's hand reached out from the cavern of her covers, slapping her phone multiple times before it shut up. The silence in the room was nice until Darcy groaned and tried to roll over, resulting in her falling onto yesterdays clothes and breaking a CD (Hopefully not the megamix that Stark had sent her). She laid there on the floor just basking in the warm sunlight peaking through the curtains. It was no doubt a bajillion degrees outside, which explained her mandatory pyjamas of booty shorts and a tank top.

She got up eventually, rubbing her head as she went into her en-suite and to the toilet- doing all that morning ritual crap. Her feet automatically took her into their quaint blue living room, not even bumping her hip into the gross red sofa that Jane had insisted on buying. Jane was probably already out though, she had a tendency of making her pancakes and running off to her beloved research once again. It also meant that the flat was quiet, none of Jane's Beethoven polluting her ears. Darcy didn't even have to look as she grabbed her I-pod and plugged it into the speakers- AC/DC was more than a wake up call.

Her plate of pancakes were on the side, calling to her with her beloved blueberry sauce and an illegal amount of sugar on it. Jane was buttering her up for something and Darcy was totally buying into it if it meant that she got more of these obesity inducing pancakes. She picked up the plate and inhaled deeply before tucking in, without even bothering to sit down. Why bother when she had heaven in her hands? Sit on that gross plushy sofa? Uh no thank you.

Darcy felt no shame as she danced to her tunes whilst she ate, no shame even with the curtains open and Puneto could probably see her crazy ass dance moves. She had killer moves and anyone who saw them should count themselves lucky. She plucked her mobile up and checked, seeing three messages from Jane and a missed call- she frowned. Miss Astrophysicist was usually too engrossed in her work to even remember Darcy's name half of the time, with a mouthful of pancake she rang the woman back. It rag three times before going to voicemail so Darcy tried again. She was ready to give up when Jane finally answered.

"Darcy?"

"You called me?"

"Yeah like two hours ago."

"You seem to forget that I don't usually wake up till two hours after now."

"You really need to work on tha- ...are you eating?"

"Yep, those pancakes you made are slamming."

"I think I spilt the sugar on them, is there too much?"

"Can never have too much Janey."

"I hate that name."

"Yeah well try being stuck with Darcy, is there a reason you called?"

"You called me!"

"I mean before that!"

"Oh... I can't remember now. Hm, I'll call back if I do, yeah?"

"Whatever girl, you've gotta make more pancakes like this though."

"Your teeth will rot away."

"But I'll be a powerpuff girl, made of sugar and spice and all things nice."

"Mhm just remind me not to give you any chemical X"

"Sure thing Space lady."

"I'll be home around four today."

"M'kay, see you then."

Hanging up, Darcy used the last scrap of pancake to wipe up all the left over syrup and sugar. Savouring it with a content hum. Then there was a knock at the door and she thought it was Jane or maybe Barb from down at the diner- someone she could answer the door to in her pyjamas. There weren't many people she wouldn't do that to, so chucking her empty plate in the bowl she skipped over to the front door and didn't even bother to check through the peaking hole. Instead Darcy was a fool and just swung the door open.

And stared.

"Lady Darcy!" Thor greeted with a wide smile whilst his brother just sneered in discontent. Darcy just pursed her lips and stared at him for a moment- her scrutiny making Thor's jubilant grin waver for a moment. "It is I, Thor, do you remember?"

"Are you staying for more than a week?" Darcy asked bluntly.

"Y-es."

"Never heard of you." With that she slammed the door shut, missing the quiet amused huff that Loki let out. That was when her mobile jingled once again- Darcy had a feeling she knew who it'd be. So answering quickly enough-

"Jane?"

"Darcy, I just remembered-"

"Lemme guess, Thor and his brother are coming to stay a while."

"How'd you-..." There was a pause and Darcy got the feeling that everybody was caught up now with the situation that they had going on.

"Yeah they're right outside and got a good eyeful of my booty shorts."

"The pink ones with animal written on the butt?"

"Nah, the black ones with bitch written in gold."

"Classy."

"That's my definition."

* * *

It was like a family meeting, Darcy observed, Thor and Loki had taken a seat on the yucky red couch whilst Jane and her had perched on the two black leather arm chairs. Darcy had the inexplicable urge to tell them both how disappointed she was in them but with light to Loki's daddy issues that probably wasn't her best idea. So for once she kept her trap shut as Jane fumbled around asking them both if they wanted something to drink or eat before they actually got down to business.

_To defeat, the Huns_ Darcy sang internally, grabbing the coffee that Jane handed to her and gulping it down without heed to the burning sensation. She was ready to throw the boiling liquid over Jane though if the woman didn't stop fidgeting, she hated the fidgeting. Sure, Darcy didn't have an Asgardian boyfriend that suddenly turned up with his fucked up young (Or was he older?) brother. Still though, they could practically smell fear or at least Loki could she was sure.

"So what are you and Loco doing here?" Darcy asked bluntly, Jane's slap on her arm not even fazing her as Thor's brow drew together in confusion. He still wasn't quite sure why Darcy had pretended not to know them so after Jane got there and patiently explained to him that she was joking this whole meeting façade had started. Jane didn't really have any right to tell her off.

Jumping her with the news that they'd have to permanent residents in their little flat for the next year or something. Telling her the day they were coming so she wouldn't throw a hissy fit. Spilt the sugar her ass, Darcy was sure that Jane tried to knock he rout with sleeping pills or something just so she didn't have any say in this matter whatsoever.

"Loki is serving his punishment bestowed by our father, he is exiled until further notice and stripped of his godly abilities."

"So he's mortal?" Jane asked Thor, blanking out the man completely. Darcy rolled her eyes.

"The dudes right there Jane, just ask him." Darcy muttered as she took another gulp of her coffee. "Shit this is good coffee, are you feeling okay today Jane? Because everything you make today is like solid gold."

"So every other day, the stuff I make is crap?" Jane stated dryly, turning her gaze onto the dark haired woman practically goop over the fact she had some decent coffee. Darcy just shrugged with a sheepish smile that had Jane wanting to slam her head against the wall.

"Sometimes you got quality Jane, other times... I don't know what you got."

"Lovely."

"Ain't I just?"

Thor watched the two closely, noticing the twitch of Jane's mouth as she tried to stay with the appearance that she was frustrated with the younger woman's attitude. Loki on the other hand tried to drown himself further into the ridiculously soft seat, the cushions sinking and dragging him deeper and deeper in the dark pits of the god-awful chair. Was it not bad enough that he had lost all of his abilities? But to be subjugated to the pathetic antics of these mortals, Odin's punishments had certainly been upped in the creativity department.

"Loki is indeed mortal, and has been exiled to earth until father says otherwise. I have been assigned to oversee his punishment- Jane was kind enough to offer us shelter when I visited her six months ago."

"You knew that far in advance?" Darcy asked incredulously, turning to the older woman who just shrugged.

"I know everything."

There was a moment of silence as Darcy let everything sink in, the fact she was still in her booty shorts, the good coffee, that fact two Norse gods were sat in her living room and would be staying here for who knows how long. It was only... what? Twelve? Not even lunch time properly but Darcy was ready to crack out the booze just to take the edge of this migraine that was quickly forming. She was definitely a vodka girl all of the way. Rubbing the bridge of her nose, she made a noise which was halfway between a 'meh' and a 'yeah'.

Jane smiled and went on talking to Thor, Loki just watching the entire scene with distaste and a slight sneer set upon his features. It wasn't that he had a lack of things to say, when did the silver tongued God ever run out of insults or quips? No, right now it wasn't the right time. Loki prided himself in being able to slip from most tight situations. This counted as tight since Thor had vowed moments before they returned to the dull planet of Earth that he would not leave his sight. A promise why Loki was sure that his brother would keep. Though it was not as if he could do much with his powers stripped and Heimdall watching his every move under instructions of Odin.

"So here are the rules," Jane said, cutting Loki's bitter thoughts short. He glanced up at the woman his brother found so interesting and found nothing of interest. A plain slip of a woman with plain features and a boring attitude that reminded him of Sif in some way. No, Sif had more character than this mortal woman. "You use the last of something, you go get it yourself. Nobody goes into Darcy's or my room, no late night parties _Darcy_."

"Wait! These rules apply to me?" The other woman exclaimed with indignation, Loki rolled his eyes. "Oh c'mon Janey, those college kids need some entertainment!"

"Yes well the last time you had a party all of my clothes were ruined and you bought me the replacements."

"Honestly didn't know how that happened, you looked great in those leather pants and crop top though." Darcy muttered, turning away from Jane with a small smirk tugging at her lips. Jane didn't say anything for a moment but Loki had to admire the twitch in her eyebrows and her control, he could practically feel the heat of the steam that would have been pouring from her ears.

"Every Tuesday is pancake morning, you want 'em then you have to tell me, every Friday we go to the Diner and then the Bar." Jane said going into the schedule rather than the rules "Otherwise there isn't anything specific."

Thor nodded his head, beaming at the woman who immediately blushed a pink that had both Loki and Darcy grimacing.

"Before you and your God boyfriend get all gross and everything, where the hell are you two sleeping though with Thor it's not really hard to guess."

"DARCY!"

Darcy shrugged and drank the last of the coffee that Jane had made her. She walked over to the kitchenette and rinsed out her cup before turning around and raising an eyebrow at Jane who was still a tomato red that almost matched spider ladies hair.

"You expect me to be happy that you sprung this on me at the last moment? I thought you were smart." Darcy muttered, not sparing them a glance as she walked round the gross sofa and back into her room. She didn't slam the door, she was classy so she just closed it quietly. Jane watched her go, a sigh of defeat torn from her pursed lips before she looked at them with a sheepish smile.

"Other than that... Welcome back to Earth."

* * *

**I have a feeling that Darcy and Loki will eventually team up within the next few chapters but it depends on how well the next ones are written. I'm the author though I should know. Any ways, hope you enjoyed- Reveiws would be nice.**


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